Moving On After Loss - 10 Myths And Facts
Understanding them will help you successfully cope with grief
Loss is a challenging and complex subject. And it’s no wonder why people often misunderstand and misconstrue how loss can impact a person. Consider these ten common myths about moving on after loss…and the facts behind them!
Myth: Moving on means forgetting about the loss.
Fact: This is quite untrue. A person can move on from a loss while keeping the memory of who or what they lost near and dear to their hearts. In order to move on from a loss experience, you don’t have to totally ignore or forget about who or what you lost. You can move on and continue living your life while still remembering the loss and why you loved the person so dearly through memorials or other memory rituals.
Myth: Grief works on a specific timeline.
Fact: Yet another myth that is far from the truth. All people experience grief differently – some folks may work through grief relatively quickly while others need time to fully feel and process everything they are feeling. Each person goes through grief on their own unique timelines, and this is totally normal.
Myth: True strength means never showing feelings and emotions.
Fact: This is a particularly harmful myth. How many times have you hear someone say, ‘Real men don’t cry.’ Showing feelings and emotions is a huge part of processing a loss experience. If you refuse to show or feel emotions, and instead try to hide or ignore them, you can make the grieving process even more painful and challenging than necessary by prolonging it.
Myth: Time can heal all wounds.
Fact: This myth is somewhat true, but not entirely. While time can help lessen the intensity of how grief feels, it does not automatically heal all the wounds. Healing often requires active effort, such as seeking support from loved ones, processing emotions, and finding new meaning in life post-loss. Simply waiting for time to pass is not always enough to fully heal from a loss experience. What’s more appropriate, dare I say accurate, is that time helps you successfully deal with the wound/the memory of the loss that won’t go away.
Myth: Once you start feeling better, the pain from grief is over for good.
Fact: Grief is a weird experience. It is also highly unique to each person feeling and experiencing it. Some people do move through grief in a fairly linear fashion, but many people experience it in waves. Some days, the “grief wave” is low and manageable. On other days, the waves feel impossibly high – and the most challenging aspect of all this is that a random wave of grief can come out of nowhere, even long after the loss occurred.
Myth: You need to move on quickly from loss to show everyone you’re fine.
Fact: Grief takes time to work through properly. If you need more time, give it to yourself. It is okay to not feel okay – grief is incredibly difficult, and it is totally fine to take your time and work through it at your own pace, even if the pace is slow. You do not have to rush yourself through the grieving and healing process for the benefit of others.
Myth: Replacing what you lost will fix everything.
Fact: Trying to find a replacement for whoever or whatever you lost isn’t the solution. Instead of finding peace, you’ll likely realize that who or what you lost was unique. While you may find room in your heart for someone or something new, it won’t replace the spot in your life left by what was lost.
Myth: Talking about your loss will make things feel worse.
Fact: Talking about your loss can actually help you on your healing journey. Trying to hide or ignore your loss can feel like you’re going through the loss all over again. By talking about your loss and remembering favorite memories and good times, you can keep that person’s memory alive. This is a special way to not only process your feelings, but also continue to honor and treasure this special person’s memory.
Myth: You should keep your grief private.
Fact: You may feel tempted to hide your grieving, but it’s important to share and talk about what you’re feeling with others. Keeping your grief private can be an isolating experience, making you feel lonely during your time of hardship. Also, keeping your grief private can make it harder for you to really work through your feelings and experiences, making the healing process longer than necessary.
Myth: Grief is just another word for sadness.
Fact: While people who experience grief also experience sadness, they also experience a massive range of other emotions, too. Someone going through grief might be sad…but they also might be frustrated, angry, confused, relieved, or even happy. Grief is complex and different for everyone experiencing it; the situations surrounding loss and grief are so unique to the people experiencing them. It is important to recognize that grief can look very different for everyone, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve a loss.
"The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not 'get over' the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered.” Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
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If you liked this content, check out my article entitled, “Getting Over Disappointment” at: https://www.theunreliablemind.com/blog/difficult-but-not-impossible
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